a right or immunity granted as a peculiar benefit, advantage, or favor : PREROGATIVE
especially : such a right or immunity attached specifically to a position or an office
Merriam Webster Dictionary
As I ponder Webster’s definition of privilege, I’m not sure if it is an accurate reflection of my topic. But I think my discourse does reflect common understanding of the word.
He walked into the dentist's office asking for help with a tooth that, by the way he talked, was clearly causing him discomfort. He explained that he had been to another office that he previously patronized where he was told that they would have to begin a new, complete work-up. Apparently, it had been a while. "Can you help me?", he asked. "I just want help with this tooth right now. I don't want to start with a whole mouth evaluation." Assured now that this office would not deny him or make him jump through hoops to get immediate relief, he began looking for his dental insurance card to assist with the sign-in process. As he fumbled through a stack of cards in his wallet, he began to explain. "I know it's here somewhere. No, that's for my health insurance. Oh, that one's expired. I know it's here somewhere. "I'm glad to have insurance", he continued as he fumbled. "The place I work has been laying off. It sounds like more layoffs are coming. Oh, that looks like it. No, that's for prescriptions." His frayed baseball cap, faded plaid jacket covering a just as faded hoody, well-worn jeans, and scuffed up work boots betrayed his economic status. It certainly was not one of privilege. While still looking, the assistant was checking the schedule. "I can get you in at 12:30 and it might be a bit sooner. "I don't think I can do that. I have to go to the unemployment office and then get groceries for my mother." "How about two o'clock? Or two thirty?" "Well, I'm not sure... Let's just make it for the 12:00. I can just go to the unemployment tomorrow and get the groceries after the appointment. Oh, there it is! I really need to clean out this wallet."
Sitting in the lobby, waiting for the hygienist to call my name for scheduled teeth cleaning, I was aware of the different world this man lived in. I have lived a life of privilege.
Oh, I’ve had my difficult times, economically as well as physically and emotionally. Everyone does. This man, at least from my snap judgmental viewpoint, is living harder times than I.
My father died while I was young. My mother, with four young mouths to feed, had to find a job. She did. But she and my father were really just trying to get ahead in life before he died. Now it was a much larger challenge. I knew times were rough, but didn’t really understand.
But I was young and unaware of how anything in the world works. I was unfazed by economic struggles, even when mom married again. A man in between jobs. That didn’t last too long and as I grew into my tweens and teens, our household was one of upward economic and social mobility. I have benefited from that economic stability throughout my life other than a self-imposed poverty period in my early 20’s.
My father’s death and that poverty did manage to instill in me some empathy for others who are less fortunate. But I did attend an almost all white high school in the suburbs and wasn’t exposed to many alternative cultures until going to college.
So what is this really about? It’s about trekking through my life with some empathy, and a lot of guilt. I am guilty of not being empathetic enough. I am guilty of not doing more to help others in need. I am guilty of judging them by their apparent economic status rather than by their character. I think, because I have been privileged. Although I know such judgements go both ways.
I am thankful for my parents’ hard work to keep me fed and clothed; to provide me with more than my needs, to give me at least some of what I wanted. I am thankful that, at many tipping points in my life, my parents and family have supported me and, possibly most importantly, have provided safe haven when my world was anything but safe. So many around the world don’t have the luxury.
This post is a reminder to all of us that we (you and I) have lived some level of privilege in our lives. Though we might be on varying levels of the economic spectrum, most likely if you are reading this, you are not on the lower end. I dare say that most of you can relate to my empathy, my thankfulness, and my guilt.
Times being what they are, it is difficult to determine how to help. We are deluged with requests for donations in written, online, and multi-media forms. Who can we trust? You already know of some of my choices that include the Arbor Day Foundation, Parkinson’s Foundation, EWALU, Habitat for Humanity, and our local community pantry. Organizations I know first hand, or have researched and trust.
But assuaging guilt goes beyond giving of my fixed income resources. It must include a change in perspective, a change in judgement. I have been working on this for decades now and still have work to do. It must be a conscious effort to recognize biases and prejudices. Then, act in opposition to those preconceived notions. And that I try to do.
Regardless of my ramblings, it is a privilege to be able to share my personal struggles with you. I do hope that the sharing adds value to your lives. You may empathize, you may think I’m out to lunch. But I hope I make you think. That, too, is my privilege.