Month: April 2024

Do Unto Others…

I’ve been influenced by religions of various forms my whole life. At times fervently pursuing various dogmas and at other times, heightened spirituality. I grew up with mainstream Judaism – Old Testament – teachings and liturgy. After dabbling in Eastern religions, I converted to Christianity during college, which led me to intense immersion into New Testament teachings and new liturgies, with many allusions to my Old Testament understanding, albeit with new perspective.

As my life has unfolded, I have experienced various levels of faith and spirituality, ultimately questioning whether God even exists. Is there some omniscient being managing the entire universe while keeping close tabs on this little blue ball spinning around in its midst? Or are we all just part of the same universal energy taking on different animate and inanimate forms of matter? Those questions I will leave us all to ponder.

But through all of the teachings I have figuratively ingested from the time I began to walk and talk until now, I realize that I attempt to live my life with this one basic tenet:

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you…

Matthew 7:12 (NRSV) – “In everything do unto others as you would have them do unto you; for this is the law and the prophets

Sometimes it’s in the small things, like just saying hello to a passer by. Or picking up some recyclables blown out of a bin in a neighbor’s yard. I enjoy it when I look at someone, hoping to engage, and they look me back in the eye. A connection, even with a stranger.

Simple gestures acknowledging our common humanity go a long way to treating others with respect, with care, with love. Opening doors. Waiting for and on others who do not enjoy the same abilities as I, knowing that it could easily be me at some time in the future. Or my favorite pet peeve, using my turn signal – even when no one is in the area – making sure I am in the habit for when there is.

These are all fine and dandy and make me feel good too. But doing unto others as you would have them do unto you is much larger and more complicated than simple daily gestures. There are millions living with hunger every day. The homeless are always with us. People with disabilities. The elderly and infirm. What level of empathy and compassion do I incorporate into my inner being, into my daily living? At this level, how do I fare? Let’s just say I’m a work in progress.

Clearly, I have ample room for improvement. From swearing at drivers who don’t use their turn signals, to not literally giving the shirt off my back, opportunities for treating others as I would want to be treated abound. Where’s the balance? What are the boundaries? This is the tension I face daily as I travel through my life. And I know I’m not alone in this struggle.

Here’s another one for you:

And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.

First Corinthians 13:13 (NRSV)

Please don’t read too much into the fact that both quotes are from the Christian New Testament. I am NOT trying to proselytize nor tout any organized or unorganized religion. My own faith is at the least shaken, if not completely gone. My hope is limited to what I can see and perceive of the universe.

For some reason, though, I believe in love. As I’ve said before, I didn’t understand love until I realized the depth and breadth of my love for Pam and, probably more importantly, her love for me. I recognize love. I want to love. I love the planet and the cosmos. I love people, and all living things. I even love myself – most of the time.

I’ve been told that loving self is precursor to loving others. Maybe so. If loving self is necessary for doing unto others as you would have them do to you, then I’m all for it. It seems so simple. Yet it’s a life-long process. I wish everyone felt and strived for the same. The world would undoubtedly be a better place in which to live!

Strength for a Reason, Strength for a Season

Another from the vault of future topics on which to write. This one, not a quote that I know of, conjures up many potential meanings, none of which I can directly attribute because I did not flesh them out when I added it to the list. I am, however, confident that it had something to do with my grieving process. The need to be strong. The potential that the need may have a finite time frame.

Back from two weeks and 2,400 miles away from home, I begin the process of mentally preparing for the upcoming second anniversary of Pam’s passing, two short/long years ago. I am putting possibly too much weight behind the date. As with my many backpacking trips during which I hope or expect some sort of epiphany about life, I feel the need to attribute some rite of passage to visiting the site in Nebraska where Pam’s ashes were scattered.

Could it actually be a milestone in my grief journey? Have I been strong for this season to culminate in a literal and figurative step forward in my new life without Pam? Based on past experience, I’d say no. Yet somehow I feel like it should. Like it will.

There have been plenty of milestones since May 12, 2022. First it was days, then weeks. Counting months seems to have subsided several months ago. But two years! Is this one particularly significant? In a way, I think so. Not because of a date. But because of how I feel and the way I view life at this juncture.

Being strong through the pain and sadness, clutching almost without hope to the need to play music in Pam’s honor and absence. With the incredible help of family and friends I have come far – much further than I thought possible – through my grief journey. I recognize once more who I was, who I am, and who I want to be. And though the two of us were another amazing being together, Pam never lost who she was, nor did I.

We are no longer the same being, nor will we ever be again. Pam is gone. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Evidenced now only by a bridge to visit on the back country roads in rural Nebraska. I live on with her memory. She lives on through the memories of so many family and friends who knew and love(d) her. I/we cannot change this reality.

Is this the season of transition? Is it the season of change? Of course. There are many impactful changes taking place here and around the world. They are constant – change. I certainly feel that my life’s journey is in transition and that I am ready for change.

I suffer no delusions that transition and change are linear. My emotional ups and downs confirm that change and seasons are cyclical or, as some say about the grief process, a spiral, moving up and around through time. We all live with them. I choose to accept them.

So on I go, embracing each day, remembering yet not living in the past, not afraid of what the future holds. I am thankful for this outlook and hope to continue being strong for good reasons, strong for any season.

May you all find strength and peace amidst life’s changes and seasons.

“Fear is the Thief of Joy”

This is not my quote. I think I saw it on Facebook and liked it – a lot! I retrieved it from a list of future blog subjects I keep online. I’m finally claiming it.

“Would have, could have, should have”, is similar. Often spurred on by fear, the regret this saying suggests is the result of fear retrospectively. Though regret is not always triggered by doing something or choosing not to do something out of fear, it often is the result of it.

There have been plenty of times in my life that I forged ahead into some unknown, fearless of, and often ignorant of, the consequences. We all have. Some are simply bad decisions. In every instance, I have learned some major life lessons as a result. But the decisions I remember so clearly are those when I chose not to pursue something or someone and have since wished I had.

Fear can be a weapon or a power tool to usurp control. This kind of fear certainly robs the victim of Joy. I suspect that it brings no joy to the oppressor, even if there is some sort of satisfaction derived from wielding it.

My education tells me that there is, in fact, healthy fear. Fearing the unknown is entrenched in our instinct for survival. We most likely would not have risen to the top of the animal kingdom without it. Healthy skepticism sometimes can keep us alive.

But we will never know what we would learn, or what pleasure, joy, or satisfaction we would gain, by choosing to let fear dictate our behavior and/or decisions. Like coming to a fork in the path. By choosing one, you never know what was down the other. It is not always the path that looks easiest, flattest, brightest, smoothest, that brings good things to our futures. Sometimes it’s the scary, rough, dark ways where we find our greatest joy.

And that is not always the situation. Sometimes we choose not to do something, say something, offer something, for fear of being rejected, laughed at, ostracized. Social norms, peer pressure, self doubt, keep us from performing such acts as saying hello to a passer by or offering up a compliment to someone who looks nice, speaks well, sings on key. Who amongst us has failed to ask a boy or girl to coffee or a date for fear of a negative response. Fear keeps us from following through. Fear drives us to do things we know we should not. Fear of being alone. Fear of fitting in. Fear that our opinions will meet with resistance, or worse yet, physical harm.

Fear is the thief of joy. My recent experiences have forced me to view life altering decisions in a different way. I am no longer so fearful of taking reasonable risks that might improve my quality of life without harm to others. Another new mantra is “life’s too short.” I cannot afford to delay venturing out, trying new things (something my OCD psyche hates), expanding my circle, making new acquaintances. No one knows what tomorrow will bring. And as I’ve said before, I cannot, and do not live in the past.

That leaves only today to decide what influences my decisions. I choose to be open, kind, empathetic, engaging. I choose to realize that every person is just that. Another human being trying to live their life as best they can with what has influenced them, what they have been given. It’s really quite liberating.

Sure, this MO has its risks. It might even be dangerous. But if the alternative is living in fear, robbed of the potential joys that accompany human interaction, to me it is worth the risk.