Power, Balance, Stability
or
Confidence, Balance, Stability
or
BRS
No, not what you expected based on the title.
Though I want to balance (no pun intended) my posts with topics besides Pam and my grieving process, the fact is that I am still grieving, and I miss Pam intensely, every day! I am making some progress. I have been following through on my traveling. And I have my recording studio setup, though I still have a substantial learning curve on knowing how to use it.
But all of that is off topic. Occasionally, I wear the very beautiful ring I inherited from my Dad, on my right ring finger. I wore it some while Pam was still alive, but more often now that I no longer wear my wedding ring (It, along with Pam’s wedding ring, are on a chain I often wear around my neck). Mom, with a jewelry designer friend of theirs, created the ring and had it crafted. Dad left it to me. I try to keep it safe for special occasions.
Last week I remembered that I purchased a Qalo silicone ring to wear while backpacking, in lieu of my gold wedding ring that I didn’t want to lose, nor cause harm to it or me. I remembered where I’d stored the Qalo and retrieved it.
But a bit of background. Pam and I picked out our wedding rings independently in Clear Lake, and found that we had both picked the same rings!!! Go figure. On our wedding day, receiving the ring from my beautiful bride, I found that she had the ring engraved on the inside with “HITYLTILY”, our little code for “Have I Told You Lately That I Love You” a song written by Van Morrison. We were also familiar with the version released by Rod Stewart. So, when I purchased the Qalo ring, I had it engraved with the same initialism.
Okay. So now I have this ring that I didn’t get properly sized and fits best on my middle finger. So, that’s the finger on which I wear it. While I was taking my daily walk, I wondered what significance wearing a ring on a middle finger might have. One of the reasons I never got my ear pierced was for fear of sending the wrong message based on which ear I would wear it. And we are all familiar with one middle finger interpretation.
I’m finally to the point. Hopefully, the background has been worth your time. I looked up the meaning of wearing a ring on the middle finger and found that it portrays Power, Balance, and Stability. But I immediately thought of the word Confidence and liked it. Though I don’t often feel confident, balanced, or stable these days, I do think these words reflect what I strive for and hope Pam would want for me. So, I plan to wear the ring often, thinking of Pam, and hoping, with confidence, balance, and stability, for the future. It seems such a contradiction to me. Missing Pam so much. Feeling the pain daily. But wanting/needing to build a new life without her – for her.
P.S. The BRS mentioned above stands for Beauty, Responsibility, and Self-analysis. Certainly not vouching for beauty. I hope I am responsible and take responsibility. As for self-analysis, I never had a problem analyzing myself before. I hope I can get back to that level of OCD! I’d be giving myself a break. Hah!
Hey Keith!
First off, again, my deepest condolences on your loss! I know the heartbreak you are continuing to suffer and wish there was a way to help ease your pain.
I covered a show last Sunday night in Milwaukee by a terrific British blues singer and guitarist—Joanne Shaw Taylor. My show review should be up on Shutter16.com within the next few days.
During an interlude between songs, Joanne reminisced about her mother who passed away some 10 years ago. She said something that struck me—she said that grief never leaves you, it just changes over time. I know that is true in my own case with respect to my mother, who passed away when we were seniors in high school. To this day, I still have grief—grief about how much of my life she missed, including my own family. But my grief has changed—the loss and sadness is always there, but there’s also an appreciation about how she changed me, perhaps ‘crafted’ me in her own way to become the person I am today.
Yes, you now have to build a new life without Pam and that will be difficult. But, she would want you to move on, which you can certainly do while remembering and cherishing the way in which she ‘crafted’ you to move forward.
Joanne Shaw Taylor’s reminiscence was an intro to her song “Fade Away,” which was just released on her new album, “Nobody’s Fool.” I recommend the song to you as it’s a reminder to us to not only appreciate who has come before, but to also appreciate every moment we have moving forward.
My best wishes to you, my friend!