jinx:
– noun: one that brings bad luck
also : the state or spell of bad luck brought on by a jinx
– verb: to foredoom to failure or misfortune : bring bad luck to
There I go with the words again! 🙂
I want to write a happy post – but I don’t want to jinx it.
I want to write about changes I see in myself and my grieving process – but I don’t want to jinx it.
I want to write about progress in my recording studio – but I don’t want to jinx it.
So I’ll write a short and, hopefully sweet message, also hoping that I don’t jinx – anything, and save these other topics for the future. Just in case the progress is fleeting, as has often been the case in my recent past.
I am home from my third trip to visit my sisters, Mom, and brother-in-law in the Atlanta area. It was the longest I’ve been away from home since I worked on site in my “glory” days. All three visits were different; the first was very difficult, coming just weeks after Pam’s passing. The second visit was in September. Though still filled with intense emotional turmoil, I was able to at least enjoy the company of my family.
This last visit was different. I woke up the morning of my leaving, not wanting to go. I realized I was afraid. It wasn’t about leaving Pam here in the house. I was actually afraid to leave the familiarity of my surroundings; my comfort zone. I felt very alone. But it only took about 1/2 hour to settle into my road psyche and begin to enjoy the scenery.
The drive to Atlanta was somewhat stressful as I took interstate highways most of the way. I was able to avoid some of my large nemesis cities like St. Louis and Nashville, but Chattanooga got the better of me. But all’s well that end’s well in that regard and I made it within an hour of my ETA.
Committed to keeping my message short, I will say that most of the visit was relaxed and enjoyable. I had time to play music, read, EAT!, and contemplate. All were good therapy for me – except for gaining four pounds. Well, maybe that was therapy too. Now I am home and want to carry the good things forward (except for the pounds that I hope to lose again soon).
I found a route home that completely avoided interstate highways and took me on many winding, hilly, scenic, roads through Alabama, Tennessee, Kentucky, Missouri, and, of course, Iowa. Though it took longer than the more direct interstate route, I enjoyed the driving, the scenery, and the interesting little towns along the byways. Pam would have enjoyed it immensely, except for the length of the drive.
I hope I won’t jinx things by suggesting that soon I can write about happy things; changes in me and my grieving for Pam; progress with my music. Something else to look forward to – no jinx intended!
Glad you had a good trip, Keith. For us both, the illness was a very long process so I guess it makes sense that the recovery will be a long process as well. I don’t think either of us realized the impact that was coming while we lived in the world of a caregiver. At the time, it seemed OK, even good, and even somewhat normal. In fact you sort of began to think this will be your life forever ……..until it isn’t. But forward we march (with some backslides along the way)…..
Well spoken “real friend.” Coincidence or not, today’s “Healing from Loss” entry is about a new level of friendship, regardless of prior relationship, that is shared among those with common grief experiences. You and I definitely share this gift. Thanks for sharing!
I’m glad your journey was a good one, in more ways than one. Happy music-making.
You are really into the vocabulary lessons! 😉
It’s actually just part of my writing process to be sure I understand the words I use. And I figure, if I question their meanings, then others might also. Another benefit – the learning. Thanks for reading.