I began writing this post over a week ago and have read it and tweaked it many times since, trying to decide if I even have the courage and self-confidence to post it. As you can see, I decided to do just that; post the following:
Walking is my current hobby and form of exercise. Previously, I rode a bicycle, then a two-wheel recumbent, then a three-wheel (trike) recumbent. I loved riding for 20 to 40 miles on North Iowa county roads enjoying the views and contemplating life. Sometimes those rides turned into treks of 60 to 80 miles.
Moving to the Iowa City area brought significant riding challenges due to aging joints attempting to scale high rolling hills. So I gave that up. Now I walk, typically four to six miles almost every day. I can stand the heat better than the cold and don’t mind light rain. Walking pace is much slower than riding and somehow gives me more occasion to contemplate what’s going on in my life. Or maybe it’s just this time in life that prompts these contemplations.
Whether I have enough courage and self-confidence to write about subjects that affect family and friends, and how they affect me, is an overriding theme of my thoughts these days. Every time I broach a subject in my mind I think about sharing it here in the public domain, open to interpretation and condemnation. Of course I don’t worry about any praise I might garner from my musings, only about exposing something personal about myself, a loved one, or a friend.
I am reminded of one of my earliest songs, Chameleon, written about myself about 15 years ago. Its verses describe one who changes personality to fit one’s surrounding personal environment. The words are as true today as when I wrote them. Basically I view myself as trying to be all things to all people. I want to be liked. I want to belong. I know, these are common desires, but it took me many youthful and adult years to find myself because I was always trying to be someone I thought others would want me to be. I suppose almost everyone experiences similar struggles.
Even now I find myself testing my thoughts and actions attempting to not “ruffle any feathers.” Thus politics are not allowed. Nor can I share challenges I encounter with family, nor open up about some of my past, present, and probable future. I find it ironic that I started this blog just for those reasons but seem to be relegated to sharing benign experiences such as with corn and storms, afraid of any repercussions.
So for now, I am writing about struggling with what to write. Will I ever be able to share my deeper thoughts and fears? Will you want to read about them, possibly relating to them in your own life? Or should I continue slogging (blogging) along with the, albeit sometimes interesting, general day-to-day experiences that are ultimately of little value other than entertainment?
Not that entertainment writing is bad. It just does not meet my vision for sharing through this site. I do get to share my music and some of my experiences traveling . But I would like to stimulate my readers with deeper contemplations. Maybe I can still accomplish my goals through the music and other stories. If so, I’d better get to it!
And that’s what I’ll do; hopefully soon and hopefully often. Hopefully you will not only enjoy, but benefit from the experience.
Beautifully written! You are a very deep and thoughtful person and express yourself well! And you are brave!
Keith, this is the constant challenge for writers: How open can I be? How careful must I be when writing about others? I have actually gotten into trouble at times over this when I was writing a regular column for a health blog. It’s especially difficult to write about family members.
Having said all that, I highly encourage you to do what I have shied away from. I wish I had kept up my journal writing, but I’ve hesitated because the journals will outlive me, and who will see them then? But I can feel that writing will be helpful and healthy for you; I know it is for me.