“Chivalry is/isn’t dead.” I’ve thought about these cliches many times throughout my life when opening doors, especially for women, letting people in line at the checkout or passing lane, or responding with respect to people in authority, those older than I (I know, they are getting harder to find), and, actually, people in general. But also when reacting to those who do the opposite or fail to be respectful of others.
My regular readers recognize that I often quote Webster’s Dictionary when defining words I include in my posts:
as in gallantry
speech or behavior that is honorable and polite
Gentlemen who were lucky enough to gain invites to the state dinner are expected to act with the finest chivalry.
In an act of rare chivalry, the driver allowed several cars stopped at a “yield” sign to go ahead
I was reminded when I looked up chivalry on Google that its origins are quite different:
the medieval knightly system with its religious, moral, and social code.
Cambridge Dictionary has it this way:
very polite, honest, and kind behavior, especially by men toward women.
the system of behavior followed by knights in the medieval period of history, that put a high value on honor, kindness, and courage: the age of chivalry.
I was talking with a friend the other night who recently lost her husband rather abruptly after a short illness. She was talking about how her late husband took care of the lawn, bushes, and household maintenance and that she would have to learn to be more independently “handy” now. I immediately thought of chivalry. Here’s how she described him:
[His] love language was service – always making sure everything was working correctly, fixing and making improvements for his family and our renters. I know from experience that not all men have this quality. But he certainly did.
Many of you who read this understand that, right or wrong, we were brought up this way. In fact, we are probably the last generation to embrace a chivalrous philosophy. It’s not even a conscious attitude, although sometimes I worry that those for whom I am opening a door might think it a misogynistic act.
Things began to change during our formative years in the ’60’s and ’70’s. Women’s liberation and free – almost everything – began reshaping social norms. Don’t get me wrong. I am completely on board with love and equality for everyone. But I contend that chivalry should NOT be dead! Rather, it should also be equal for men and women. Its actions are out of respect, honor, and politeness regardless of its origins and changes in social norms.
Personally, I am proud when I act chivalrously. Once again I go back to my basic rule – treat others the way you want to be treated. As in the Age of Chivalry, whether in love or war, respect, compassion, and politeness are honorable traits we all could benefit from now.
May it be so!
P.S. As I was opening the outer door to the building vestibule with a cart full of boxes and totes from my previous house. I noticed two girls, maybe 10 or 11, in the main building hallway. One looked over at me. Upon opening the inner door, she came toward me and asked if she could hold the door for me.
Maybe it is so!
Definitely some youngsters still know it!