Category: Life with Pam

Commemoration Camping – Part One – Getting There is Half the Battle

This is part one of a three-part article being published on successive days beginning Saturday, May 20, 2023

Thoughts of going camping over the weekend that included the one-year anniversary of Pam’s death came as a way of breaking up a long drive to Nebraska while checking off a visit to scenic Loess Hills in Western Iowa. I had camping equipment I’d yet to use and wanted to experience camping again nearly a year after visiting Mammoth Caves and Green River Lakes last summer.

The Plan

Of course I had a plan, but a loose one compared to my preparations for most travels. Yes, I did create a Google route to keep me off major highways and on course. And yes, I did duplicate a camping/backpacking spreadsheet – but only to ensure that I didn’t forget anything. So, okay, at least in my mind it was not minutely planned. I fully expected to take it as it came, adapting to circumstances.

I would leave on Thursday the 11th with Louis and Clark State Park as my final destination that day. I prepaid three nights of tent camping. I’d make the trip to Pam’s bridge at the farm on Friday, the actual anniversary, then back to the park as a base camp for yet unknown (and unplanned) adventures Saturday along the Loess Hills Scenic Byway. Home again on Sunday.

The planning that I did do, and the anticipation of the journey, were enough to keep my mind from much of the detail, over the last couple weeks, of what took place a year ago. I was aware, though, that my emotions were lurking in the background.

A Sketchy Start

A misguided Google Maps was my first clue that I would, in deed, have to take things as they came, when my location was consistently about 1/2 mile off the routed highway. The pleasant female British voice kept telling me to take the next right, at every gravel road that would lead me back to the road that I was actually on! I had to dig deep into my troubleshooting bag of tricks over multiple stops, to solve the issue. On my third stop and fixit attempt, I forced a stop of the application, then rebooted my phone. I’ve not had any issue with it since!

New Providence Hardware

This would be a great trip to take a detour to one of the interesting stops recommended by a daily email that suggests restaurants and attractions one might want to visit, Only In Iowa. New Providence Hardware was on my saved list of places so I added an out-of-the-way stop on my way to Loess Hills. After all, I had all day to get there and was up for an adventure. I figured I’d have lunch there and then continue my journey.

I timed my departure to arrive around 11:30. But that was delayed by my stops to fix my location issue. So I got there around noon. New Providence was all of two blocks long with the hardware store and a bank flanking the only north/south road through town.

I hadn’t reviewed the article about New Providence Hardware for some time so it came as a bit of a surprise when I found no restaurant either in nor near the store. No lunch! But it was fun just to be there, including taking a toilet break in the basement with dirt floor and a plethora of old grinding and lathing equipment, and metal shavings on the floor. At least the toilet was clean.

I got to talking with Heather who must have grown up in New Providence. She knew that there had not been a restaurant in town for at least 25 years and that the “soda shop” next door could be rented for events and hosted a free will lunch on Mondays. That’s it. I bought a Hank’s Gourmet Cream Soda just because.

Heather smiled widely when I asked to take her picture. I took special pleasure in capturing the mannequin as well. I see now that I missed part of the head. Oh well. Heather was delightful with her information about the town. I returned to the counter on my way out to tell her that I’d used worse toilets in my time.

On to Louis and Clark State Park (L&CSP). I finally grabbed an Italian Wrap sandwich at a Casey’s in Nevada IA, washing it down with the cream soda. The rest of the trip to L&CSP was uneventful but pleasant as I rode into the hills of Western Iowa.

Stay tuned tomorrow for Commemorative Camping – Part Two – Camping is a Battle Too

Not Living in the Past

It’s true. I thought it would happen beginning a couple weeks ago, but I really haven’t been reliving the detailed events of a year ago. Sure. I’ve thought about certain things, but in general, I’m not.

However, one year ago on Saturday, May 7th (it’s a Sunday this year) reality became an unwelcome visitor. We’d been managing Pam’s pain for a couple weeks already, taking turns with a 24/7 rotation of turning her and keeping her comfortable. Hospice caregivers came only once each weekday in the mornings.

During a position change that Saturday, Mary, Pam’s sister-in-law and retired nurse, thought a hip bone might be out of place. So we called Hospice and talked with the nurse on call, who happened to be the lead nurse for Pam’s care. She came to the house within about an hour to examine Pam. It was not a bone issue. It was loss of weight/tissue/muscle. Good news – we hadn’t hurt Pam. Bad news – Pam’s condition was deteriorating.

As she was leaving, I took the nurse aside to mention quietly what Kara, Kelley, Mary, and probably others were noticing. There had been a marked change in Pam. The nurse agreed and told me she was going to start scheduling the case nurse for every day.

I was devastated by this news. Two weeks earlier the Hospice social worker told us that if/when this nursing schedule change is made, it meant that most likely Pam would not live longer than a week. She died five days later.

Equipped with this reality Pam’s brothers rescheduled their return flights home and I cancelled arrangements I’d just completed the day before to have Pam transferred to a care facility. Thus began the final watch.

This was a dreadful experience for us all. And yet there was such, I will use the term, ‘grace’ as we huddled in our small living room, taking turns visiting with Pam privately, and in groups. Family. Love. Sorrow. Pain. I realize now that I was in shock, barely functioning. Fortunately, others took over meals and transport as Kara, Kelley, Mary, and I as much as I could manage, took care of Pam.

Looking back, and in talking with some family members, I realize that we could not have done it much better. Pam had us all around her at the end. We took care of her and each other. Through it all, our bonds of family and friendship were deeply strengthened. Pam’s last loving gift to all of us!

May 12th is the first anniversary of Pam’s death. I hope you won’t mind if I take a week off. I have special activities planned for this coming week that I hope to write about afterward. But I think I need to take this time to concentrate on my grief process and contemplate how much I still love Pam and miss her painfully. My view has not changed one iota. Pam was an amazing individual, full of love and compassion. I was fortunate to have known her, loved her, and been loved by her. I know that those who knew her, especially her children, siblings, and in-laws, all feel the same.

“A gentle woman with no guile. That’s why I love you, Pamela Sue.” (The Song I Never Wrote for You)

Today’s take-away message in Martha Hickman’s Healing After Loss is:

“The journeys into the past always include a way back into the present, which is where I live.”

Bikers and Barns

“I can’t believe you like to do this”, she said, sitting back enjoying the rolling hills of the Iowa countryside. “I’m so glad you enjoy it. I love going for these rides. It’s nice to be able to share with someone who enjoys them!”, said I.

Seems like that conversation never got old as Pam and I wandered across eastern Iowa in search of some quaint café, country store, or winery. We had so much fun for several years before, and even after, her PD diagnosis.

I was looking through pictures for the last post when I stumbled upon a selfie we took at a restaurant out in the middle of nowhere east of Anamosa and Amber, Iowa called Teddy’s Barn and Grill. We noticed a sign along the highway as we traveled north toward Monticello. Sadly, it appears to be closed now. But it was a very cool place. The main seating area was in the very large loft. It also had adjacent second floor patio seating. The food was great, as was the décor and ambiance.

Waiting for food at Teddy’s Barn and Grill

I don’t really remember why we chose Anamosa for our little getaway in May of 2014. It’s only about an hour away. But I booked a room at the AmericInn on the north side of town (101 Harley Ave!). It didn’t take long to recognize the motorcycle motif of the entire property, beginning in the lobby and continuing in our room. After having asked about it, we left to explore and I noticed that the parking lot was shared with J&P Cycles. Not too surprising. And here’s why…

Couldn’t copy any other images, but check out the wall art. And you can go to the website for more

We also found out that the National Motorcycle Museum is in Anamosa. We drove by, but didn’t go in. Honestly, neither of us were interested in motorcycles. But it was neat just knowing it was there.

There is an Iowa State Penitentiary in Anamosa. It’s worth driving across town (not a big town) just to see the impressive 150+ year-old structure built by prisoners with stone cut at Stone City. Another day trip for another post. Don’t ever want to see the inside of this place – even as a visitor!

Grant Wood was born in Anamosa, Iowa in 1891. Arguably he is most famous for American Gothic, painted in 1931. If you know his work, you will already understand. If you don’t, I highly encourage you to visit the web site to see and learn more.

We visited the American Gothic House on another one of our outings. But it’s worth a shout out here. After all, it’s famous! It is located on the east edge of Eldon, Iowa, SE of Ottumwa.

American Gothic

It was our experience driving on the back roads around Anamosa, through surrounding towns and to restaurants along gravel roads, that Grant Wood’s paintings came to life – literally! Traveling the rolling hills along barns and farms, crop rows and trees, it was easy to “picture” where Grant got his inspiration. He surely could have set up an easel to paint, along any of the roads were traveled.

Young Corn

Our visit to Monticello was also interesting, it’s main attraction being the downtown area. So if you are – in the area – park the car. Take a look around. You might see something you have to have, or a tasty treat you simply must try.

This is what our retirement was supposed to be. Traveling around, staying in interesting places, sampling unique restaurants and attractions. We took several one or two day trips around, mostly eastern, Iowa. Stories for other travel posts. We had books and maps to help guide our way. I would highlight our route for Pam to follow (I used GPS). After several years, it was difficult to find a state or county road that was not highlighted in yellow.

We began these road trips on days off and weekends before our retirement. They did continue for a while until Pam was no longer comfortable in the car. The moral of the story – don’t wait, thinking you will have the chance to enjoy life once you retire. You never know.

I continue to take the back roads, looking for new experiences. Nowadays I also keep an eye out for performing venues like cafés and bars (or barns as the case may be). I do it for me, for some bucket list in my mind for many years. I do it for, but without, Pam, knowing she would simply and happily say, “I can’t believe you like to do this!”